Spirituality and Me!

Remember 'Wilson-the volleyball' from Tom Hanks' movie 'Cast Away'.I vaguely remember watching the movie for the first time when I was 14 on my brothers' laptop.(As I sneakily took custody of his laptop when he was away,I was introduced to a world of Foreign movies.Most of my favorite movies were watched for the first time from his collection of movies including movies like Forrest Gump, The Terminal, The Pursuit of Happyness,Saving Private Ryan,The Motorcycle Diaries and many more).I didn't know that it had stuck me so much as I watched it but I have wondered about 'Wilson-Chuck Noland's friend' quite a few times.

As Hanks' character spent years alone cast away- the volleyball was his only friend. He talked to it.He derived strength from it.He even credits the ball to be one of the reasons for his survival.I can only imagine the feeling of destitute that would have engulfed a man stranded in an island.And a personified friend that happens to be just a volleyball could also be a great source of hope and solace. As I think about it , maybe this is how early humans discovered/invented God(if I may say so).Over the years as we evolved and developed emotions like anxiety,fear, hope, etc we required a force to cling on to.We wanted to give a name and reason to everything that we didn't know or couldn't find out.We depended on a power we hoped would guide us.And hope,as they say,makes the world go round.Generation after generation people kept on adding to this idea of God given to them by their ancestors.Books were written ,battles were fought, religions were formed and we know God as we know Him today.(In legal language 'He' includes 'She'-Does it also work the other way round?)

From the time of our birth we are introduced to God-A Superior Power in the way and form the religion we belong to teaches us.I think it was in my 7th standard I first questioned this; not to anybody else but to my own self.This was during the brief period I spent away from my parents and lived with my grandparents.I had just shifted from a one bedroom apartment to a huge 'tharavadu' with sprawling corridors and little rooms called 'aras'.My grandfather had this routine of waking up early and spending quite some time in the pooja room. My little bed was setup just near the camphor smelling pooja room.Maybe the sudden shift made me question things.Maybe it made me wonder the existence of God.I remember I had a class test the next day and I wanted to wake up early.I didn't have my mom to be my alarm nor did I have an actual alarm. As I slept on the cot beside the pooja room I prayed to God "Dear God, please wake me up at 5'00 clock tomorrow.If you wake me up early I would believe that you exist ".I don't know if it was my test paper panic or the biological clock but I did actually wake up on time.[I'm ruling out the possibility of God waking me up;for he would have better things to do.Or maybe, God did wake me up because my mom used to say God always listens to children]Whatever the case,the 12 year old me religiously believed in God after that.

As my religion taught me -I believed in shrishti , sthithi , samhara. I believed that Brahma-the creator built this world and everything in it.I believed Vishnu -maintained order in Universe.I believed Mahadeva-the destructor destroyed evil. As I grew up that belief grew strongly with me. At times of uncertainties I found comfort in the sacred books kept in the pooja room.Every Karkadam(the malayalam month) I read the Ramayana (even though I couldn't complete it).Lord Ram inspired me to be as ideal and honest in one's own duty or dharma as the 'maryada purushottam' himself (It also hurts me when people are killed and lives are destroyed in the name of Ram).Temples brought out a sense of awe and reverence within me.But still, sometimes I do think that all this was created by man so as to deal with their inner devils and to give reason to things they couldn't intelligently reason with.Probably God is for the weak.The strong don't need a God to derive further strength.And I am not that strong.I need a God to clutch on to, a belief to embrace.That belief gives me stability in life.It gives me peace of mind.It helps me dare to dream and hope.I guess my God is probably my Wilson.

Every morning and evening as I stand before the idols and photographs of God with folded hands and closed eyes chanting the mantras my mother taught me as a child;I pray like they are being listened to and they would be fulfilled. Sometimes when imagination permits, I imagine the abode of Gods as an office(a village office probably) and me as a visitor there waiting with my application of needs to be sanctioned. It would probably go like this:

Me: God,listen i have a problem.

God: Yes.How may I help you?

Me: You know my mom has been complaining about knee ache for sometime now.Please do something about it.

God:Oh yes!I heard about that. I would look into it.Meanwhile you could do your bit by helping her out and not taking her for granted.

Me:Yes,I would do that.Also what is up with this Corona thing?

God:What with it?

Me: Don't you think its high time for it to be over by now.We all have learnt our lessons.

God:Well, let's see if you really have. I can't really give an assurance about that as of now.

Me: What about the economy?The experts are saying that the situation would be really grim in the coming years.Please do some miracle no?

God: I guess you have to wait a little more for that .

Me:(sighs) On a personal note;my exams are coming up.Please take special interest and help me.I have been taking this matter up with you for so many times now.

God:And I have said that I can't do anything just about right away. It would be looked into when the time comes.What I can do however is to give you some unsolicited advice of doing whatever you can from your end.

Me: Come On! You are GOD.You can do anything,for God's Sake!

God: 'Just Blinks'

Me: Alright,Alright. Atleast help me in understanding and memorizing stuff that I study.You could do that!

God: I would do that.

Me: Thank You.I guess that's all for today, at least for now.See you.Thanks again.

God:Thank You.And don't forget, like your dad always says 'Karmanye vadhikaraste Ma Phaleshu.....'

Me: 'has walked out and shut the doors of pooja room already'.

God:Oh! She didn't listen again.And then she would come back saying her expectations were crushed and I crushed them.

Humans these days,I tell you, are a total mess!